I keep thinking that I will start this again, but then I flounder. Everything gets in the way or I forget and only post on social media. You know likes and all. why doesn’t anyone ever comment on IG?
Trying to see if I can post here.
It’s been awhile. Oops. I’m back in a 300YTT, and the course promotes regular journaling. I post most days on social media, but I don’t always share what is really rattling around in my brain. There’s this balance I think you have to have on social media where you have some vulnerability but you are positive all the time. For the most part I have been heading this way, which is good. I should say I’m working on being less reactionary to adverse situations.
However, I have been having this feeling of overwhelming sadness, but there is no obvious reason for this feeling. I have been able to not let it effect me too much, but I know it’s there. I acknowledge it, and maybe cry a bit. Then, move back to what I’m doing. So, there is today’s update.
Another year around the sun. It wasn’t really a spectacular day, but it was a day. I shouldn’t complain. I got my bike fixed, and I got to get some nice food at Costco. 🙂
Today, I completed my yearly mammogram and ultrasound. I say yearly, but honestly I’ve pushed it back 8 months. I was always pretty good about getting my yearly exams, until I got a call back one year and then put on a 6 month diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound schedule. Then, I had to have two biopsies which turned out to be benign. I’m more than thankful and happy with the results, but it has caused severe anxiety to be associated with the this testing.
I tried to ask the scheduling department not to call me to schedule these any longer. I explained that it sets off a series of anxious responses that just cause me to put off the procedure even longer. The lady who I have worked with over these last 3-4 years was sympathetic, but it’s really out of her control. She’s just doing her job, and KP actually did a study about their call back strategy. It really does work to get people in for their yearly screenings. It unfortunately has the opposite effect for me. I am often well aware of when my screening are due, but I have to feel mentally prepared to proceed.
Luckily, after today’s procedures I received an all clear, which takes a huge weight off of me. The yoga class had been actually teaching some interesting coping techniques. They are very similar to mindfulness and meditation, but just a little different.
On another note I have had trouble sleeping for awhile. I’m usually okay when I can exercise vigorously. However I vigorous exercise took a break while my back was healing. During that time my sleep was very poor. I have figured out that 1/4 cup of tart cherry juice at bed time seems to send me into a really nice slumber. I actually tried it out for inflammation. However, I noticed the coincidence. I thought maybe it was a placebo, but apparently there has been a study that found it can improve sleep. So, that’s something interesting. Of course that shit is expensive. One bottle at the store was $12. Today, I found them on sale for $6.00. So, I bought them all.
It’s strange to be offered a job out of the blue. I’m actually really honored, and part of me really wants the experience. However, I honestly don’t know what the job is. I politely declined, but it was brought up again today. I set up an appointment with the potential employer to discuss further over the zoom. This way I’ll have all the details, and I can make a more informed decision. Chances are he’ll be making a better informed decision also. If it was simply a remote position I would be totally down to adding it to my responsibilities. However, it requires on site work and travel. Honestly, I’m not ready for that. It will be interesting to touch base and actually speak to the person further.
It’s been a bit longer than expected to get back to writing. I had to finish up my finals for summer courses, and I am now in an intensive 200 Yoga Teacher Training. Part of the Yoga training involves writing and checking in with an journal. We’ve seen how good I am at that. I’m not exactly the touchy feely type. I do understand compassion, mindfulness, and presenting information in an open and positive environment which is something that I really enjoy about this program. I always approached yoga as more of a physical movement practice. I’ve only been to one actual yoga class in person, and that teacher was very gruff in her teaching style. That was strange because outside of class she is a very sweet and gentle lady. She was also teaching classes to seniors. So, IDK. Perhaps it was we showed up, and were younger. J. enjoyed the class, but also thought it was funny that this teacher was rather gruff. I’m hoping to try to make some videos, and maybe in the not too distant future host some Zoom classes. I’m just trying to get comfortable with cuing. It’s very similar to teaching karate, but different. I really miss karate, but I’m not willing to take the chance of getting Covid-19 until more kids and people are vaccinated. It’s just doesn’t seem right, and it doesn’t help that I’ve had a back injury for the last 5 weeks. I’m able to at least move without pain, and able to start slowly riding my bike on the trainer. Well.. That’s my time for today.
I know I have been falling behind on my writing goal. It’s been challenging as my classes are a little intense this week, and will be next week.
Did you know when you lay down for an empathy and compassion meditation and start to cry that the tears will go into your ears?
I felt like it had only been a day since I posted, but apparently it has been 4 days. I had two tests on back to back days, and a paper that I needed to write. I’m really not a fan of writing papers, but I do appreciate that they challenge me.
It’s July 4th, but it doesn’t really feel like a holiday to me. For the most part I’m still living life as though we are in lock down. I’m mostly concentrating on school work for now, but a big part of me is wanting to race, swim, and go out like we used to.
It’s still so strange to see so many visitors here and see pictures of people on the mainland without masks in large groups. I get a bit squirrelly when I see a large group of people.
For now I’m training as though I’ll be racing this next year.