Nail biting on the deck as I await tomorrow’s results. I have a hard time being positive after the results of 2016. If you continue with the stupid man the I have lost all hope for our country. I have hated the man that occupies the White House since the 80s when I saw him on Life Styles of the Rich and Famous. I thought he was the stupidest man, and I was only 10 at the time. Fingers crossed we can have a more respectful and empathetic person in the White House. If not, then I will live a world where Match game 78 plays for the next four years on the TV.
School has started, and I haven’t been getting to write as much for myself. Luckily, some of my anxiety has been letting up lately. I still really want to go swimming. I started watching a new Tv show called Married At First Sight. I know it’s been around for awhile, But my mom said it was just as fun as 90 day fiancé . So I’m giving it a try.
I haven’t been feeling all that well lately. Hopefully, I can shake whatever is making me not feel well. I have my wisdom teeth out in two days. I had a COVID-19 test yesterday. It wasn’t fun, but at lease I don’t have COVID-19.
We are staring down Hurricane Douglas which is set to enter our neighborhood in the next few days. I keep my finger crossed that it will move further north or stay south of us. I’m not fond of hurricanes. Right now we have the calm before the storm.
We got Disney+ for the month to watch the Mandalorian, but I’ve also been bingeing all Disney cartoon movies I haven’t seen. I’m a bit on the sensitive side, and find myself crying during them all. I started Frozen today. Yes, i haven’t seen it until now, but I know all the songs.
Run distance: 3miles Weather: partly cloudy with rainbows
I’ve noticed that the majority of my posts have been a bit on the negative side. It’s not intentional… I’m just trying to get these negative thoughts out of my head. I realize that I need to be able to allow my feelings to exist, but I don’t really have to entertain them. Admittedly, the negativity is also being fed externally, and I have addressed that issue. I think it will be a process. I know dealing with change is hard, but there has been so much change lately that it’s been even more difficult.
Run distance: 6.1 miles Bike: 1hr 20min Weather: partly cloudy
Today, I had a lecture on social capital theory. That theory always makes me a bit sad. When I think about my social capital I have never been able to cultivate those deep origin relationships. I really only have it with my Mom, and in the past I didn’t really have that. Things have really changed in the last 4 years regarding our relationship. More on that in the near future. It’s never to late to connect with other people. It’s a little more challenging during a pandemic, but I will keep trying.
I have become very xenophobic. I realize this is not new, but it has reached a new intensity. When I moved to Hawai’i I had done much research, visited and stayed in the neighborhood which I now live. I had come 2-4 times a year for 5 years. I constantly talked to my neighbors and felt like we all took care and were considerate of each other. Now, almost every neighbor is new, and doesn’t give a crap about how their actions are affecting those around them. 95% of the new people are from the mainland, and don’t follow local customs. It makes me afraid of them, and honestly hate them from a far. I admit, this is not fair or healthy. I’m working on trying to change my mindset, as I was once a new person here in Hawai’i. I don’t know what people thought or still think of me. I keep trying to learn from my experiences, as I don’t think I will ever leave here. I have lived in this one location longer than any other place. I have become apart of this place, even if I’m invisible. I’m attempting to find a way to give back. Now, just gotta work on my dislike of mainlanders…. you know it’s like the haole yelling “hey haole go home.” It’s just not right.